Not Knowing - the Source of Wisdom

Many of you are here because of my latest Instagram post in which I described the process I am currently in. I am truly grateful you are here. Usually my intention is to bring you something, to be of service. Today I release all of the doing and giving and replace it with me purely BEING. For far too long I have been pushing myself to do things deep down I didn’t want to do, things that are not who I am. I need to feel again what it is that I really want, the desires from the depth of my own core, as I am currently in a place of not-knowing. What I do know is that I am in a deep inner process about life and my soul's journey. Life has taken away my inner spark, inspiration and energy. Although this feels very uncomfortable, little by little there is an inner knowing this is for my highest good. Life currently removes all things unaligned that distracted me from my True Life Path. For someone who usually considers herself quite wise and in control, this is a very humbling experience - and a very welcome one. Honoring this truth in myself is a deep form of integrity and I love to share this raw, naked version of me with you as I am currently in it. It is easy to be 'open' when we got it all figured out, but healing and being ALIVE begins by being True about where we are right know. No ego, no stories, no denial. I practice surrendering to life, see where it takes me and right now I feel the urge to write - so here I am. This whole experience drives me deep into my inner waters. I learn about life and who I am through my emotional waves (experiences) and then take a deep dive into the information available through Astrology, Human Design, Gene Keys, etc. The things I've studied always came to me organically as it provided the answers to my own processes at the time. I have always studied things that primarily served ME, as for me this is the only way. It's the repetitive cycle of being a student to become a teacher again and again. Even though I am in a place of not knowing and certainly not in a place of teaching and being of service to anyone other than myself, I've come to learn a few things that I would like to share with you. As an OG Aquarius (air element) I have a quick, savvy mind. I really like to know and deliver answers to myself and others. In addition to that, as a projector with a 5/1 profile (human design) there is a very strong projection field. Besides being a projector, people see the savior in a 5th line, someone who provides the solution - at least that's the impression they have. Consciously and subconsciously I feel the projections, needs and expectations of others. With my open heart centre (human design), I tend to seek validation outside myself, by being productive and helping people. I have a gift of seeing others and sensing their direction (open G-center). While I help others getting clear on their direction and identity, it is not how I'm designed myself. I am here to be fluid in a way, but I have found myself adopting the dreams of others, over and over again. And it all comes down to that ever-present need to know; certain information, my value, my identity, a sense of direction. It has become part of my identity, so I always found it very vulnerable to state that I do not know. But the need to always know takes its toll. Now I see how exhausting this is and I can say with an open heart and a smile on my face that it feels quite the opposite for me right now. As I am writing this, I sense great relief and great power inside of me. The truth truly sets free. We don't need to be looking for answers. When we are truly open - the answers will find us. In their own time. And without even knowing before, I smile because as I am writing these words, I remember something about my Challenge according to Gene Keys. Gene Key 4 Intolerance – Understanding – Forgiveness “If we have this Gene Key prominently in our profile, we’re going to stop needing to know, and finally understand. We’ll start laughing. Happiness never comes through answers. It comes only when we’re so tired of answers, that we just decide to live the questions fully. Our life radiates the answer, and finally we can relax and be of the deepest service to the world.” – Richard Rudd, 64 Ways Sending you love, Romy

⊹ These words were written on nov 2022 and sent as an e-mail. Join my email list here to never miss a blogpost and receive additional content.